Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Long but funny-hope this makes you laugh

So I think the neighbors think I’m crazy now. Well If they can see into my backyard that is. This morning I went outside to turn the pool on and almost had a heart attack. When right in front of me I see a spider web, and I am pretty sure I saw the spider web because there was a large object in the middle. That large object just so happened to have 8 legs. Aahhh! As I look right into they eyes (if they have eyes) of a monstrous spider- black and hairy you know the kind. So I halt to a stop turn around and run back towards the house. Grab the pool leaf net thingy to protect myself all because I really want to go swimming today (sit in my floaty chair with a cold beverage) I attempt to knock the web down with the net. Mister spider flew over to the pool ladder and hid in the handles at the top. I then turned the pool pump on and ran back in the house.
As the temperature nears 95 and it’s supposed to feel like 100 with the humidity I decide it’s time to go swimming. I try on my new Juicy swimsuit that I got for such a great deal at Marshalls then try on the one I got from Victoria secret. The Victoria secret top is too small and I need to exchange it, but it’s covered in sequins so I definitely feel a little too flashy in it and since I probably would never wear it in public should exchange the whole suit for something else. Then I default back to my tropical blue and green one with the bamboo rings. Grab my phone, beer (because a wine glass in the pool is probably not a good idea). I open up the shed and peer around looking for spiders of course, and then cautiously grab my floaty chair. Drag it out and turn it over inspecting for bugs. Then toss it in the pool. Head over towards the ladder and shudder as I see that he is still there. I thought the spider had gone away earlier…..oh no he is still there!
So I get spider spray and attempt to spray him-I did this a couple hours earlier too. The can must be almost empty because it is not spraying very far. To think that I am going to get within that 2 feet range to actually spray him is crazy! I swear he kind of jumped out at me-like jumped at me to try to scare me off! Meanwhile the neighbors probably hear me talking to myself and /or mister spider and are probably dying laughing! So I attempt to spray the bug spray so that the wind might carry some poison his way. No such luck. Then I get a great idea! I’ll spray him off with the hose. So I get the hose out and play with the spray handle till I get a nice sharp stream. I spray him off. Yes he is defeated I can finally go swimming; except I am still a little leery because I don’t know where he went. I walk back to the patio and happen to look down and jump a little. Another spider not near as big, but probably hairier is right by my feet. I spray him with bug spray first, but it doesn’t reach him. Damn can, must be empty. Then I spray him with the hose and he is off into the grass. If I didn’t have flip flops on I would step on him. But I was afraid he was going to jump. Then I go back to inspect the pool ladder when I see mister spider triumphantly crawl back to the top of the handles. I am pissed now. He apparently has a strong web and is obviously attached to the ladder. I spray him really good this time, but again don’t know where he landed. So I have pretty much given up on going in the pool, and I am also wondering how much costs to leave that pump on for the next 4 days till my hubby is home? As I am wondering around the yard I notice a web and another spider on the other side of the pool. Yes it’s official I’m not going swimming. Normally it’s the threat of sharks or snakes that keeps me out of the water. Not today. Nope it is a spider. Meanwhile I am looking for an exterminator. Because yard work is just not going to happen when there are spiders around!

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