Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My AHA Moment!

Well I have to say that it just hit my like the bale of hay that fell off the truck in front of me today!.....well it didn't really hit me and it was two cars ahead of me, but I did have to swerve. No harm:) But as I was recently beating myself up for racking up my credit card which happened to have a zero balance in December! When I have debt I feel like I need to not spend money on anything else and just put my whole paycheck towards it till it's gone! Well I'm not really making enough dough to actually get that done quickly. So I would spend the next few weeks/months miserable and then once it's paid off I would either do it again...come to think of it I think I did it last December too! Well today I made the realization that the pattern I was in sounded a lot like my diet pattern used to be. Get fat, starve yourself, then pig out, then get fat again! I normally don't think I would have put two and two together if it was for reading about the skinny debt diet So then I put it into perspective that it's ok to have some fun money but to be more frugal in other areas, just like I learned that healthy eating is about moderation. It's ok to have chocolate just not the whole cake!
My other aha moment was when I realized what my issue was. Ya I have dealt with body image issues, borderline eating disorders, depression, anxiety, etc. You always hear that food isn't the issue there is something that you are hiding from. Well I think I knew what it was all along, but I just would only claim part of it or was afraid to actually say it. It comes down to me feeling in control and learning to accept and love myself and enjoy life! I grew up in a unhappy environment basically. Emotionally and verbally abused. You could even say brainwashed from the extreme views of my parents. I'm actually a little shocked that I even wrote that. Because I was always afraid of what they would think due to being again "brainwashed". As I become more comfortable with the subject I will prob write more. I have also been playing with the idea that I may add another blog to my repertoire so maybe that will be the subject of another site entirely. However I do agree that health encompasses emotional and spiritual contentment as well as the physical and nutritional aspects.
I consider myself lucky that I seem to be figuring out what to fix and how to move on at such a young age, because I grew up watching Oprah and seeing these older women in there 60's, 50's and 40's (which I don't' think is old at all!) just now discovering that life holds so much more happiness.

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